Wednesday, 15 November 2017

HARD LIMITS, and why you should respect them.

When it comes to the world of fetish and kink; what one person may find exciting and arousing; another person may well find it to be offensive and even disgusting. Every taste is different and not every slave will enjoy a particular fetish.

Not that there is anything wrong with a particular fetish, as long as it is legal of course, but if a person absolutely does not enjoy and does not want to explore a particular subject; then these are what we call hard limits.

Limits are not exclusive to the more taboo or extreme fetishes. They can apply to absolutely anything. While one person may find himself turned on by being forced to cross-dress; another might find it a definite turn off and will not want to explore it at all. That is their choice. Whether or not you agree with their choice is irrelevant. If they do not want to explore a particular subject; then you must ALWAYS respect this.

I Myself have certain limits. I will not discuss illegal subjects, anything with the "yuck" factor, wrestling and and age play. And I expect these limits to be respected, just as I will respect the limits of My slaves. To ignore their right to say "no" to a particular subject; is to ignore the fact that they have not given consent. When you move into an area of non-consent; you have crossed the line from being a responsible Dominatrix and into the area of being a bully and committing sexual or physical assault.

The fact is; when it comes to dominating My slaves; I understand that while they must have a certain amount of respect from the off; the ultimate respect is earned. It is earned through ensuring they enjoy the experience of serving Me. It is earned through ensuring that they always feel safe and secure. It is earned when I respect their right to protect their identity. It is earned when I respect that they do not want any marks on their body. In short; it is earned through remembering that they are a human being, with a vanilla life away from the kink scene.

And this is a two-way street. While I will always respect the limits of My submissive; I in turn, will expect them to respect My limits as well. Limits are not open for negotiation. You can't turn to a slave who isn't into water sports and say "oh can I piss on you a bit?" If they don't like it; then they don't like it. It's as simple as that.

But there are some guys out there who seem to think they can ignore My limits. Recently; I had somebody wanting to explore wrestling. Now wrestling is by no means offensive. But I don't enjoy it. I have never seen any degree of excitement from wrestling. Therefore; I don't explore it. And this I informed said client. However; he had the audacity to say "I'm paying you. You should do want I want you to do." WRONG! You are paying for the honour of speaking to Me. You are NOT paying for Me to forget My no go areas and do what you want. I'm not going to force you to explore a subject you're not comfortable with. Therefore; you won't do the same to Me. And if you decide to throw a "mantrum" when I remind you of the importance of respecting hard limits; you're GONE! Such behaviour is completely unacceptable in a setting of safe, sane, consensual play.

And that leads Me to the next point I want to make. SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL. You will hear these words often in the fetish & BDSM scene and they are extremely important.
As a Dominatrix; I have a great deal of responsibility towards My submissives. Not only am I ensuring they enjoy their experience; I am also ensuring they have a safe experience. If they have a desire to explore something which is particularly risky to their health; then I have the right to say "no". I'm not doing this to be a party pooper. I'm not doing this to be difficult. I'm doing this to protect their health. I'm doing this to ensure they are not physically or emotionally harmed during the session. I am protecting them. It is a big responsibility and I take it very seriously.

This is the very essence of hard limits and why it is always important to respect them. For example; if a submissive wants to explore poppers intoxication and has a history of heart or lung problems; then I'm going to refuse. Why? Because it can have a seriously adverse effect on their blood pressure. Recently; one of My regular submissives became dizzy during a session. He's an elderly gentleman, which means I have to be even more cautious. I immediately halted the session, giving him strict instructions to visit his doctor for a blood pressure check. He did this and came back to tell Me his doctor had told him he wasn't drinking enough water. He was dehydrated. So the next session; he had plenty of water available to ensure he was well hydrated.

In a nettle torture session; I will ask screening questions to check for the possibility of allergic reactions to stinging nettles. Anaphylaxis is associated with insect stings. It is also associated with nettle stings. If the submissive is allergic to insect stings; then they are likely allergic to nettle stings. So we don't explore nettle torture as a result. For those who have never had an allergic reaction to nettle stings; I still ensure necessary precautions are adhered to. They are instructed to stay hydrated and to take antihistamines for seven days. They are told to immediately go to casualty should any symptoms of anaphylaxis be present. Why? Because anaphylaxis can kill if not treated quickly.

BDSM & fetish should be fun. It should be enjoyable for both parties. Both parties should feel safe. Both parties should feel emotionally comfortable during the session. The moment it stops being fun and safe; then you are not doing each other justice in ensuring you respect their limits. And when you don't respect their limits; how can you possible expect them to respect you?

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