DISABILITY - BRING IT ON!

I've not been blogging much lately and that's because life has been rather busy both Professional and personally speaking.

I'm currently preparing myself for several months of medical appointments due to an ongoing problem which has been troubling me for over 18 months.

Many years ago when I was in secondary school; I suffered a sporting injury in my sacrillioac. A difficult tackle in hockey lead to my lower spine and pelvis suffering a nasty strain. As a result; I was out of action for a good 3 months and ever since, I've had repeated niggles of pain.

But in the last 18 months; those niggles have been so much worse and it would seem that my over-zealous hockey tackle is coming back to bite me. Constant pain, stiffness for several hours in the mornings, disturbed sleep at night, reduced mobility. Yup; that sports injury has left me with some arthritis.

It's not too bad right? Wrong! As well as that news; I also have the news that I have a herniated disc in my lower spine, which is irritating a nerve. This doesn't surprise me because for the last 18 months; I have been unable to lie on my back for any prolonged period of time. It is also the reason behind the nights of disturbed sleep, before my doctor introduced me to amitriptyline - that shit is good. It knocks me out so I can't feel the pain and I can get a full 8 hours of sleep.

When I lay on my back; eventually my lower spine locks and turning over is almost a military operation. The pain I feel when trying to move my locked spine is rather like the pain of a bad tooth abscess and as a result; I've had to master the art of holding myself stiff in order to turn. Still painful; but not to the point where I'm physically sick from the pain, as I have been in the past.

But of course things couldn't be straight forward for me. In addition to the arthritis in the pelvis/lower spine and the herniated disc; I'm currently being tested for a condition known as Ankylosing Spondilitis. It is prevalent in my family and my elderly father has it quite extensively. So given my family history; the doctors are checking and double checking to see if I have it.

For those who aren't aware of what AS is; I shall give you a brief and simple explanation.
AS is an auto-immune disease and is a type of inflammatory arthritis. The disease causes the body to believe the immune system is being attacked by an infection. This in turn causes the immune system to create lots of anti-bodies to try and fight this "phantom infection". It's rather like when you get a cold or flu, and you get joint aches. That's your  immune system fighting the virus. However; unlike with a viral infection where the immune system goes back to normal once a viral infection has passed; with AS, the immune system continues to fight and as a result is actually attacking the body, because there was no infection in the first place.

This causes severe inflammation around the joints, and often starts in the lower back or even the neck. Prolonged and untreated inflammation the causes the joints to fuse, which reduces mobility. Eventually, this inflammation can also spread to other parts of the body including skin, eyes (iritis is a common condition associated with AS) and even the major organs. If left untreated; it can be fatal because it causes dangerous levels of inflammation in the heart, lungs and even in the vascular system - which can, in my father's case, lead to TIAs (mini strokes).

The good news is that while AS cannot be cured; it can be treated to prevent the inflammation getting to a dangerous level or prevent joints from fusing. One of the treatments used is a biological treatment called Anti-Tumour Necrosis Factor (Anti TNF.) This basically heavily weakens the immune system, which prevents it from going haywire and creating all those anti-bodies which cause the constant inflammation. The majority of patients on Anti TNF are able to lead a normal, happy life with very little to no pain. The downside to the treatment is that yes, patients are much more at risk of complications arising from common infections like a head cold or even the norovirus. A bad chest infection could land a person in hospital; so they have to ensure they are fully immunised to protect them from the more serious infections.

But; Anti TNF is not cheap and it really is a post code lottery when it comes to who is considered entitled to it. At anything from £800 per injection (bi weekly injections, life long) it's a wonder drug with a hefty price tag, and not all will qualify for it.

So why am I telling you this? Because there is a good chance I do indeed have AS. The pain is no longer confined to my lower spine, but also my neck, shoulders and knees. It is a wide misconception that a simple blood test can detect the presence of the AS gene; but that is not always the case. In fact; there are many people who don't have the gene yet still have AS. It's likely I'm one of them.

And this is why you don't see me on cam in the early mornings or late at night. At night; I take my night-time painkillers and I'm off to la la land for 8 hours. NOTHING is gonna wake me up with that stuff. In the mornings; it's 2 hours before I can move to even make myself my first coffee. Believe me; arthritic disease is NOT fun and is most inconvenient. And as with most arthritic conditions; the pain often worsens at night from about 6pm. So as much as I'd love to be chatting to you boys on cam at that time; you'll usually find me dosed up on painkillers and cuddling a heat bag.

I shall also point out that arthritic diseases leave you feel extremely fatigued; particularly during flare ups when the joints are suffering a lot of inflammation. Chronic pain it itself is exhausting. But when a disease also causes fatigue, then by 8pm you're practically in a coma....except the pain is keeping you awake.

It's also why I don't offer real-time sessions. And believe me, I'd love to. But being disabled means I have limitations. I can hardly ask a slave to hold my walking stick while I beat his ass with a paddle....not exactly sexy!

But do I let this whole situation get me down? Absolutely not! I may be 38 with the body of an 88 year old, but the mind is still indeed very young. Yes, I've had to accept that I have limitations and I certainly can't do a lot of the things I used to do. Gardening is a big thing I miss. Luckily I have a lovely gardener who does it all for me. But the fact is; it is what it is. I've always been quite a pragmatic person and so I just get on with it. If it does turn out to be AS then I'll deal with it as it comes. If it isn't; then I'll deal with it as it comes. And my surgical corset which I wear daily (even though you don't see it), won't be going anywhere any time soon. I may be disabled. But believe Me; I no less deviant!