PUBLIC NIPPLE TORTURE

You don't deserve the luxury of being humiliated behind closed doors. No, it's far more fun to make you suffer in public - fun for Me, that is. It might not necessarily be the case for you - unless you enjoy it of course.

Your nipples will feel the sting in public. You will endure the shame of constantly feeling that chain jiggle about. You will be rushing to find somewhere to go and reattach the clamps when they inevitably fall off. But you will endure. You will endure because it pleases Me...

SEE THE FULL CLIP:

Clip Store: https://thecristaldomme.com/videos

24/7 LINGERIE ADDICT

Every boy has a feminine side, even you. And now it's time for you to allow yours to come out. The very fact that you're interested in this file means that inside of you, there's a feminine little sissy just screaming to get out. So let's allow her to come out so you can enjoy what goes along with that territory.

Like for example; lingerie. Beautiful soft, silky, lacy panties. You have always wanted to wear them. And there's no shame in doing so. It makes you feel happy, liberated, free. It shows your true self, so it should make perfect sense to do something which makes you happy.

But let's not restrict it to just panties. Let's extend it to bras, stockings, suspenders, pretty little nighties. And as we're doing that, let's rid you of all that nasty, ugly male underwear and replace it with a lovely collection of women's lingerie – lingerie for you, to suit your personality.

It's not just going to rest in your underwear drawer though. Pretty lingerie was made to be worn. And you will wear it. You'll wear every single day. Under your normal closes will be a pair of panties, a bra and maybe even some tights. And at night; you're going to be swapping your boxers for a pretty night and some matching knickers.

Your entire life spent in women's lingerie 24/7. How wonderful!

FEMDOM HYPNOSIS

WARNING: THIS FILE WILL CAUSE YOU TO DEEPLY RELAX AND MAY INDUCE SLEEP. DO NOT LISTEN WHILST DRIVING OR OPERATING MACHINERY.

CROTCH ADDICT CURSE

It's not enough for you to want cock. You need to be in a state where cock becomes the centre of your entire universe. It completely takes over your entire mind, your needs, your desires, your dreams.

Cock is a beautiful thing and you should strive to make receiving and worshipping cock a daily part of your sub training. That is why I have created this file; to help you to understand your own needs about cock and why it is always important to listen to them.

This file will help you to enhance your desires for the male penis. You will learn to understand that your need for cock is not something you can set aside and ignore completely. It is there, deep within your subconscious mind, desperate to be acted upon in everything you say and everything you do.

Cock will always be at the forefront of your mind. You will find yourself staring not at the face of men you talk to. Instead, your eyes will be firmly glued to their crotch. You will not be able to focus on a single word they are saying. All you will be able to think about is what lies beneath the sanctuary of their pants and how much you so desperately crave it.

Your own behaviour will convey a message that you want their cock. You will let them know that their cock is all you care about and you will do anything in order to taste and feel it. Cock is your life-source, your reason for living and the only thing you will ever care about, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

WARNING: THIS FILE WILL CAUSE YOU TO DEEPLY RELAX AND MAY INDUCE SLEEP. DO NOT LISTEN WHILST DRIVING OR OPERATING MACHINERY.  

From the mouth of Chastity Sub....

Another VERY embarrassing shopping trip for Chastity Sub - here's his own words about the humiliating experience...



Mistress Cristal gave me an extremely embarrassing and humiliating task for Her pleasure and amusement.

I had a most humiliating and embarrassing time carrying out my task.

I walked to the supermarket and went into the toilets. The first thing I had to do in the toilets was to insert my vibrating plug. It was embarrassing as I heard people coming and going and kept thinking what if they knew what I had gone in there for that they would have found it highly amusing at my expense.

 I then put my vibrating cock ring on and again could hear people coming and going as I did this. 
I felt very embarrassed when I switched them on and started feeling the vibrations and worried about people hearing the noise and seeing my excitement. I just felt extremely embarrassed walking around the supermarket feeling the vibrations worrying about them being heard and people noticing my excitement and seeing my purchases of just a cucumber and sexual lubricant in my basket. 

At the till I must have been the reddest I have ever been as I felt so humiliated as I was sure the assistant and others were laughing at me.

 I stuttered when asked if I wanted a bag and I said no thanks that I could carry them. I was crimson red with embarrassment walking out of the shop carrying them, one in each hand and could not look at people so worried that they were laughing at me imagining what I had bought them for. 

It was even more embarrassing to then go to a pharmacy and ask if they had an enema kit. Unfortunately, the Pharmacy did not have any enema kits but I felt ever so embarrassed stutteringly asking if they sold them and noticing the assistant looking at my cucumber and lube and must have been thinking I wanted it to clear out before using them. 

The 20-minute walk home was ultra humiliating as I was sure everyone I passed could hear the vibrations and see what they were doing to me and seeing the cucumber and lube and thinking I was going to fucking myself with them.

 I have never felt so humiliated and embarrassed in my life nervous about what people will imagine I am now doing and hoping not to bump into them again soon.


Did I mention that his chastity sentence ends on Sunday? Well...it does, but only if he serves Me on webcam. There is no way I'm going to miss out on the chance to see him erupting like Mount Etna! Sadly for him; he says he's not sure when he's going to get an opportunity to have a cam session with Me. Guess that means we'll be stretching his chastity sentence out a while longer....excellent! 

SUPERMARKET SQUIRMING

Because one of My subs is due to be released from chastity this month, I decided to really make him EARN his release.

Chastity Sub has been in chastity since 1 January 2018. As you can imagine; he's pretty desperate for his release date. He's had relentless teasing from your's truly as well as some "help" from fellow subs who have been sending him naughty content to make his little clitty drool. His particular favourites are pictures and clips of shemales because his ultimate fantasy is to be fucked by one. As a result; he's been made to spend 1 hour each evening, watching shemale porn and trying to wank his clitty through his chastity cage.

He won't cum though. His orgasm comes at a huge price - having to do the whole of his chastity sentence again; a fate he's obviously desperate to avoid.

So like I said; I've been making him earn his release date with some extra humiliation. I know how much he likes to squirm. He may be bright red in the face but his clitty LOVES it! And so do his many fans..

Today; Chastity Sub was under orders to make a trip to his local supermarket. He had a list of only two items - 1 cucumber and 1 tube of sexual lubricant. Easy, yes?

Well, not quite. Because not only did he have to purchase these highly personal items, but he also had to do it whilst wearing a vibrating butt plug and vibrating cock ring - on full power, the risk of that vibration being heard pretty much extreme.

This is probably the most humiliating task I've given Chastity Sub to date. He's previously been made to visit a key-cutting store and request a doggy disc to be engraved with the word "slut". That was pretty embarrassing for him, especially since it was a female assistant who dealt with his request.

But this was something else.

He was not allowed to go to any of the self-service tills. No "unexpected item in the bagging area" for him. Nope; he had to go to a manned checkout - on a very busy Sunday afternoon, lots of people in the queue and him buzzing away like a demented bee.

This provided a great deal of amusement to the checkout assistant as well as several people in the queue who had a good laugh at his expense. He's never been so embarrassed in his whole life..until next week's task that is...I look forward to seeing what happens with that one! 

LIMP WRIST CURSE

When you think of a very effeminate man, what's the first thing you think of?

Is it the way they dress? Their preference for very flamboyant and vibrant colours. Is it their walk – the way they sway their hips provocatively. Or is it something much more subtle? Something you may have laughed about in the past. The fact that they are decidedly limp-wristed.

This file will not change your sexual orientation. It will not cause you to want to dress up like a woman. But it will make a slight adjustment to your mannerisms; in particular your wrists.

Once this file has weaved it's spell into your subconscious mind; you will find that there is no longer any stiffness or strength in your wrists. They will be floppy, with your hand dangling pathetically. You will definitely have a very effeminate look about you as you perhaps hold your cell phone or smoke a cigarette. You will be doing these things as a woman would. No tension or strength in your wrists. Your fingers cupped, and your wrist limp.

It will be highly humiliating for you. People might actually begin to question your sexuality, even if you are straight. You could swear blind that you're not gay, but with your mannerisms; you will be convincing absolutely nobody. Limp-wristed, effeminate men aren't straight...or are they?

FEMDON HYPNOSIS

WARNING: THIS FILE WILL CAUSE YOU TO FEEL DEEPLY RELAX AND MAY INDUCE SLEEP. DO NOT LISTEN WHILST DRIVING OR OPERATING MACHINERY.

ALWAYS HARD CURSE

Can you imagine having a huge, stonking hard on that won’t ever go away? No matter how much you jerk off or fuck, it’s there, sticking out in front of you for all to see.

Well, that’s exactly what is about to happen to you, dear pet!

This file is a curse. It cannot be broken. It cannot be avoided. It cannot be changed. Only I have the power to remove it – when and if I feel like it.

All you need to know is that you will always be hard. Your cock will rub against your pants and your underwear. It will bulge embarrassingly and it will be noticed in public. If you see a hot woman; your cock will get even harder until you cum in your pants. How embarrassing for you! A hot chick walks by and you blow your load in your pants. That’s sure to raise a few laughs – at you of course.

The only times your cock won’t be hard is if it would be extremely inappropriate or it would be a risk to your safety. The rest of the time; you’ll be erect, horny and extremely embarrassed!

FEMDOM HYPNOSIS

WARNING: THIS FILE WILL CAUSE YOU TO DEEPLY RELAX AND MAY INDUCE SLEEP. DO NOT LISTEN WHILST DRIVING OR OPERATING MACHINERY.

MAKE UP TIME

A good little sissy should always make sure she is looking girly, pretty and beautiful at all times. It's not just in the clothes she wears or how she behaves. It's also about aesthetics, and this is a very important part of your sissy training.

Once you are deep in trance; I'm going to plant a very powerful trigger deep into your subconscious. When used; this trigger will cause you to be compelled to make yourself look more pretty and girly with the use of make up. You will use lots of pinks and reds to make yourself look pleasing not just to My eyes; but to the eyes of the boys who will want to fuck you.

Perhaps you will be in public when the trigger is used. Perhaps you will be in the safety of your home, away from the eyes who will laugh at you.

But don't think you can escape your public humiliation, yet. If you have never used make up before; there is a high chance you won't know much about each product. This means you will not only have to go out and buy make up products; but you will also have to ask for help of any counter assistant. If you're really brave; you may even ask them to give you a little make over, to see which colours suit you.

Anyone except yourself can use this trigger. You cannot resist it. You cannot escape it. By choosing to listen to this file; you are accepting the consequences of the trigger.

Neither can the trigger be removed by you. You will stay that way until I or somebody else triggers you to revert to normal. Perhaps I will make you stay with a face full of make up. Or perhaps I will allow you to go back to normal; once I've had My fun. Either way; this trigger can and will be used, when you contact Me AFTER you have listened to this file....

FEMDOM HYPNOSIS

WARNING: THIS RECORDING WILL CAUSE YOU TO DEEPLY RELAX AND MAY INDUCE SLEEP. DO NOT LISTEN WHILST DRIVING OR OPERATING MACHINERY.

SISSY PUBLIC HUMILIATION TASK 2

What a better way to humiliate a pathetic little sissy femboi than to take her humiliation to more public level. For this task you will be making repeated tasks to the lingerie store, as well as a nice embarrassing outing to a local shopping mall. Oh; and your garden will need some chores done as well -and I'm talking talking about your sissy "lady garden"...

RECORDED ASSIGNMENT/INSTRUCTIONS

SISSY PUBLIC HUMILIATION ASSIGNMENT

There's nothing quite like making a pathetic sissy fem-boi squirm in shame. Well there is - making a pathetic sissy fem-boi squirm in public. In the HIGHLY EMBARRASSING public assignment; you will find out what is REALLY like to be completely and utterly humiliated by Me. Your face will flush deep red with shame and you may even squirt some tears...well that may or may not be the ONLY think you'll be squirting!

Follow My instructions to the letter and be sure to send Me a full written report on how you've performed.

RECORDED INSTRUCTIONS/ASSIGNMENT 

Chastity Sub goes on a shopping trip - and is buzzing - literally!

Last week, Chastity Sub was set a particularly humiliating task which meant he would be doing some serious squirming in public. He is such a compliant little sub, and will happily obey every order I give him. And he didn't fail to amuse this time!

When Chastity Sub first started serving Me; he mentioned that he didn't like to be feminised. He's now been with Me for well over a year and his training has taken a rather surprising turn. He's gone from being a compliant, chastised boy, to a slutty, compliant sissy - not bad for somebody who was against feminisation!

So to set him on his journey of becoming a fully sissy and to live as one in every moment of his life; I sent him on a very embarrassing shopping trip, which had him buzzing - literally!

When Mistress Cristal gave me the task to perform on Bank Holiday Monday it filled me with dread and apprehension. I was instructed that I was to put my vibrating cock ring on and go to a local department store and buy 3 pairs of panties. When I got home I was to throw away 3 pairs of my mens underwear. As I was given this task on the Friday it gave me plenty of time to squirm in worry before Monday. The final part of the task was that every time I was near the shop I had to buy another pair of panties and replace a pair of masculine pants until I was rid of all masculine pants and only had feminine panties left to wear.

On Monday I was extremely nervous as I put on the vibrating cock cage and got dressed ready to go out. The sound of the buzzing sounded really loud and because I haven’t cum since 1 January and have been teased and denied a lot since then the vibrations went through me making me aroused and feeling on edge and starting to leak pre cum all the time. I had to wait for my cock to soften from it being very hard before I could leave the house. I did not want people seeing that I was erect no matter how small it is.

As I made my way to the shop I was fully conscious of feeling bright red and of feeling aroused and leaking and the noise from the ring. I was hoping no one would notice the sound or see my arousal or the growing wet patch in my trousers.

When I got to the shop I must have felt the most embarrassed I had ever and must have been bright red. When I stepped into the shop I kept pretending that the sound was my phone hoping everyone would believe it. There were 5 women in the shop as I made my way to the panties. 2 were close to the panties so I pretended that my phone was buzzing and I was being careful not to let it be seen that I was aroused and leaking so much.

When I started looking through the panties I was extremely self conscious and feeling so much more aroused and leaking more. I was feeling like my face was glowing red. As I looked through them I kept thinking about what panties Mistress would like and how much fun She would be having if She was there watching. I thought that Mistress would also have me wearing the loudest cock ring as well.

I had never felt so embarrassed and squirming when I took 3 pairs to the counter. When I was at the counter I was being very careful for the assistant not to see my arousal or wetness and doing my best to try to disguise the noise still pretending it was my phone.

When I left the shop I was hoping that the people in the shop and the assistant had not paid much attention or would have noticed and talked to their friends about it.

To add to the embarrassment and humiliation Mistress made me tell twitter about it so it was not a secret. To further add to the embarrassment the tweets seemed quite popular and I was being asked plenty of questions. Mistress ensures that I have to answer all questions honestly no matter how embarrassing or humiliating they are as part of not being allowed to have any secrets.

Not only did I have him tell twitter, but I also made him model his purchases on twitter. Below are pictures of the panties he bought. I'm sure you'll agree that they are really quite pretty! He'd better get used to wear them, because this week he's replacing ALL of his masculine underwear with panties. On Friday; he will be throwing away any masculine underwear and will only be wearing panties from now on - that should be interesting if he ever has to go for a physical....

Next week; we move on to vests - to replace with crop tops and bras. And then finally socks; to replace with feminine socks, tights and stockings. As you can see; Chastity Sub is becoming every inch a real sissy, which each passing week!

WEEKEND HUMILIATION TASK

You might have a few days off work. But you certainly don't have a few days off from pleasing Me. There is no rest for the submissive; especially when it comes to feminization & public humiliation.

Make sure you're armed with a note-pad and pen, because the first part of this task includes a shopping list. And you WILL purchase all the items on the list.

Next you will carry out the rest of My instructions; ensuring you burn with embarrassment until you combust!

WET PANTIES TASK FOR SISSIES

It's time for some more public humiliation! You know how much I LOVE to make you squirm. But don't squirm too much. You wouldn't want to leave a wet patch, would you?

Public Humiliation, Watersports, 

EXTREME HUMILIATION TASK 2

I'm so not done making you squirm. In fact; I'm ADDICTED to making you burn in shame & humiliation. Pretty soon, you will be too! 

EXTREME HUMILIATION TASK

Just when you thought you were safe to breathe easy; I've hit you with another humiliation task. This one will have you wishing the ground would open and swallow you up! But don't squirm too hard on My account..

Feminisation, sissy, humiliation, exhibitionism, nipple torture, cum eating instruction, cross-dressing.

Pubic Humiliation For Chastity Sub

So My owned pet; Chastity Sub was given a mammoth task to complete today. A task that had him squirming in shame which will probably last him for the rest of the day and beyond.

It was time for Chastity Sub to get tagged. And when I say "tagged;" I mean in the puppy sense. He's been wearing a collar since ownership, but as a result of his dedication and obedience; he has now earned the honour of his very own tag for his collar.

Of course that doesn't go without some humiliation on his part. I'm not in the business of making things easy for him, so it was off to his local Timpsons store today; to purchase said tag and have it engraved.

I had already spent most of the weekend taunting him about this task. Not only would he have to purchase said tag; but he'd also have to ask for it to be engraved with his slave name - Chastity Sub. Yes dear readers; that means he has to physically ask, in person, for his name to be put on the tag.

To further increase his humiliation, I had him spend an hour teasing himself. He's recently taken delivery of a 7inch anal plug. It's shaped like a cock and he absolutely loves to play with it. Now he can have cock in his ass all the time. And today was no exception. After inserting the plug early this morning; he was instructed to use his vibrating wand to tease himself as his cock leaked away like a dripping tap. He was supposed to be released from his chastity cage this weekend - the first time since the New Year. But he failed to collect at last three inches of pre cum in his brandy glass. As a result, extra days have been added to his sentence.

To help him along with collecting this pre-cum; I instructed him to wear his new plug during his shopping trip. The result is that every time he moves and walks, he can feel the plug moving inside him, so he's already squirming before the serious humiliation starts.

We had a chat on Sunday about his fears about doing this task. He dreaded the possibility that it could be a young girl who serves him in the shop and would have much preferred an older gentlemen.

So you can imagine My delight to learn that it was indeed a young lady who dealt with his "request". To add insult to injury; she even smirked at him when he told her what name he needed to be engraved on the doggy tag! This left him bright red with embarrassment, with a desire to crawl into a hole while she went to work on the engraving.

Fortunately for him; he was the only customer in the shop - mores the pity. But let Me tell you, dear readers, that this young lady will be remembering her customer for quite some time. I can just imagine her next conversation with her girlfriends..."oh you'll never believe what happened. I had a pervert walk into the shop the other day. He wanted 'Chastity Sub' engraved on a dog tag!!" 

Needless to say; Chastity Sub has pleased Me well with this task. I know he'd been dreading it. I'd been threatening it for months, and finally decided it was time for him to carry it out. He's desperately hoping that he doesn't see the young lady again while he's out and about. I have a feeling she'll be discreet - but I'm pretty sure she'll recognise him and smirk at him again.

Public humiliation with EPIC results!

As funny as Shit!

Ladies and germs; meet Slave Shit. Shit is a boy who serves Me on Skype. He thoroughly enjoys public humiliation, which is why I took the liberty of taking all of these very amusing screenshots. I felt Shit should be shared with the world in all his pathetic and ridiculous glory.

The word on Shit's head is supposed to be the word "TWAT", but unfortunately, Shit needs to go back to school and learn how to write properly. Nevertheless; I made sure Shit wrote other rude words on himself, including "CUNT" and the name I have chosen for him...

Shit likes to experience pain and anal abuse, so today I had him whip that nasty flap of skin he calls a "cock", as well as attach pegs to his pathetic balls. The aim of the game was for him to use a leather belt to whip off all the begs; but sadly Shit lived up to his name and was well... shit at it. Instead; I found a far more amusing way for him to entertain Me. Shit was made to lick himself clean....

Of course the act of licking himself clean meant that Shit got all dirty again when his nasty little "cock" did a love piss. So to further humiliate Shit; I had him lick up his mess. Here he is with a tongue full of cum.

Shit did actually wish for Me to share these highly embarrassing pictures with My readers. Perhaps in future, Shit will be careful what he wishes for! 

Chastity Sub's Humiliating Shopping Trip.

Of course it's no secret that I love to humiliate Chastity Sub as much as possible. So last week, I felt it was high time he endured some public humiliation. His task was to visit his local sex shop, and ask the assistant where he could find some sissy porn.

The very fact that he had to ask this highly embarrassing question was enough. But I also made him wear his slave collar. Here's how he got on...

Mistress Cristal. Todays task was very embarrassing. When i was walking to the shop i was very conscious of feeling the collar. I had my jacket buttoned right up to my neck to conceal it but felt like everyone i passed noticed it making me bright red. I was extremely nervous and even more nervous when i went through the door. It took building up courage to go to the assistant and i must have been letting off a lot of heat from how red my face was. My voice must have sounded very low and nervous when i asked the assistant if he had any sissy porn and i was squirming with nerves and embarrassment. I felt he could see my collar as i spoke to him. There was another man in the shop and i felt more embarrassed thinking he found it very amusing. I was bright red as he showed me the dvds that were in and i chose these 3 from what they had. I hope these are to Your satisfaction. I felt even more embarrassed as i imagined that he was thinking of me watching them and even more embarrassed walking out of the shop and back to the car. I was imagining everyone i passed could see the dvds even though they were well hidden. I hope this report and the dvds are to Your satisfaction Mistress.

Of course he's yet to find out what I intend to make him do with said material. Is he worried? He should be! 

CRINGE-WORTHY PUBLIC HUMILIATION

Public humiliation is not for the faint-hearted. And My range of public humiliation tasks will have you squirming so badly; you'll wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole! Fact is; I don't have to be physically there to humiliate and demean you. All I need to do is tell you what I want you to do; instruct you to take pictures and/or video and wait for the incriminating evidence to fall into My wicked hands.

And once I have the evidence of your public humiliation; I shall humiliate you even further by spreading it across social media and My website. I might even upload it to My clips channel to make money off your shame. Believe Me; there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it!

Perhaps I will make you stand in a busy street; wearing a very humiliating sign? Or maybe I can send you on a very special shopping task? I could even send you off somewhere while you appear on Skype video. A visit to a nail bar? A trip to the hair salon for a blue rinse? Maybe to the local Ann Summers store for a few cringe-worthy items? My list is endless. And I will receive many hours of enjoyment from it - as will My fans!

Public Humiliation tasks start from £50. The more humiliating the task; the higher the price. I will even do a bespoke task for £100 - but be prepared to squirm A LOT! Will you be mentally scarred for life? Almost certainly!

PUBLIC HUMILIATION TASKS

SIGN-WEARING TASK - £50.

BEAUTY SALON TASK - £50.

HUMILIATING SHOPPING TRIP - £50.

HUMILIATING SHOPPING TRIP WITH SKYPE VIDEO - £65

CLOTHING TASK - £50.

HUMILIATING PHONE CALL TASK (LOUD SPEAKER REQUIRED) - £50.

HAIR SALON TASK - £75

BESPOKE TASK - £100

Tribute is via Amazon.co.uk Gift card ONLY and in advance. Pictures and video of you completing the task is required.

Email for further details

mistresscristal@mail.com

Panty Boy has an embarrassing visit from "Aunt Flo."

It's amazing how quickly the monthly visit from "Aunt Flo" comes around; especially when you're a panty slut who deserves to be humiliated. Yes ladies and maggots; Panty Boy has got his period again. And this month; I decided to make it extra-humiliating for him. It's far too easy to make him wear a maxi-pad for 5 days - changing every 4 hours. It doesn't cause him that much embarrassment. It's hidden - a simple secret that nobody need know.

So imagine how embarrassing it would be for him to REALLY have a period. Now I realise that anatomically; this is a physical impossibility. But that doesn't mean I can't be creative. If I want him to have a period; then that is what will happen.

To commence the start of his period; Panty Boy was instructed to spread jam on his maxi pad. I'm sure a few of you will be familiar with the term; "jam rag week." Well I've made it literal...

Then he was made to put on his "jam rag" in today's panties - to wear for the next four hours until it was time to change the pad...of course when he changes it; he has to add more jam.

Of course it means that leakage is inevitable. We Ladies all know how difficult it can be when "Aunt Flo" is rather on the heavy side. That paranoid fear that yes; we may just have leaked not just on our panties; but all over our clothes for all to see. I wanted Panty Boy to experience this - the uncomfortable feeling of his little balls being all sticky and gooey. The fear of standing up...just in case..

As you can see; it's made quite a mess of not just the maxi-pad but also his panties, his little clit, his little balls and his thighs - and he has another 24 hours of this to go! I'm sure tomorrow will be just as awkwardly shameful for him. Next month he gets to experience period cramps...with the help of a tens machine. He doesn't know about this...ooops; did I let the cat out of the bag?! That's right Panty Boy - when you visit Boots for more "jam rags"; you'll be buying a tens machine too!