And even though I have been hurt and betrayed very badly, I still turn to spirituality for healing.
For the last 5 years, I have been practising Buddhism and in particular, chanting. Funnily enough, I discovered the philosophy whilst in deep emotional pain, and it was through chanting every day that I found the strength to change the course of My life. And I'm doing it all over again.
After somebody does a real number on you and betrays your trust, it is often very easy to give up and say "right that's it. Everybody can now back the hell off!" but I won't do that. Because despite My persona, the truth is I do try to see the good in everybody.
When somebody does you wrong, all too often, not only do we blame the person, but we also blame ourselves. We ask why we didn't trust our instincts. How could we have been so foolish? Why didn't we listen to the advice of others? It is only natural that we would do this. But what good is it really going to do? You can't undo it by asking yourself these questions over and over again. There is no such thing as a time-machine. Yes, you made a bad call - it's part of life. But the key to success is to learn from it, forgive yourself and move on.
I know only too well, that I am often far too hard on Myself. I am My own worst critic, the sometimes you have to just tell yourself that everything happens for a reason. It does, and I've seen that more times that I care to remember.
So yes, it's true - I'm still hurting, but I'm hurting less each day. And with strength, good karma and with My philosophical beliefs, the pain I'm experiencing right now will soon be a memory. I am confident of that.
There is a saying in Buddhism, which is absolutely true: "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." What that means is you can be angry as much as you like - it's not going to change anything, except leave you bitter. Learn to let go, love yourself, forgive yourself, forgive the person who hurt you (if not physically certainly mentally) and take the path to wisdom, peace and happiness. And this I am learning. :-)
